Blonde Jokes

It's always nice to have a laugh at someone else's expense.

If you are blonde, then I say "Thank You for the good laughs," ahead of time.



Q. How can you tell if a blonde has been using your computer?
A. There is whiteout on the screen.

Q. How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
A. Three...two to peel the M&M's and one to mix the batter.

Q. How do you drown a blond?
A. Tell him/her that there's a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of the pool.


Q. How does a blonde turn on the light after having sex.
A. Opens the car door.

Q. How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Four...three to turn the ladder and one to hold the light bulb.

Q. What do you call twenty blondes standing ear to ear?
A. A wind tunnel.

Q. What did the blonde think of the new computer ?
A. She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9

Q. What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag)?
A. "Cindy .. that's cute. What did you name the other one?"

Q. How do you confuse a blonde?
A. Put her in a round room and tell her to pee in the corner

Q. How does a blonde confuse you ?
A. She tells you she did

Q. Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A. It takes too long too retrain them

Q. Why have some women bruised bellybuttons?
A. Cause there are blonde men too

Q. Why did the blonde smile, when she walked the marriage aisle?
A. She realized, she gave her last blowjob

Q. Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A. Got stuck in a trap, chewed three legs and was still stuck

Q. Why was the blonde upset, when she got her Driver's License?
A. Because she got an F in sex

Q. What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A. Pull the pin and throw it back

Q. How many blonde jokes are there?
A. None, they're all true

Q. What do an intelligent blonde and a UFO have in common?
A. You often hear about them, but you never see one

Q. How did the blonde finally pass her driving test?
A. She took the examiner with her.

Q. Why did the blonde get fired from the M & M factory?
A. She kept on throwing away all the W's.

Q. What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll?
A. About 2 cans of hair spray.

Q. What's black, blue, red and brown and lies in a gutter?
A. A brunette who's told too many blonde jokes.

Q. Why did the blonde climb the glass wall?
A. To see what's on the other side.

Q. What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A. Gifted!

There was a blonde out in the middle of a wheat field in a row boat, rowing ... rowing ... and rowing away. Another blonde driving by sees this blonde in the field rowing, she stops her car, jumps out and yells at her: "It's blondes like you that give us a bad name ... and if I could swim I would come out there and kick your ass!"


One day a blonde received a gift certificate to a spa for a massage. She happily got in her car and drove to the spa to use her certificate. When she arrived the hostess asked her to remove the headphones she was wearing and to have a seat. The blonde said that if she took her headphones off she would die. The woman laughed and asked her one more time, and still the blonde refused. While the blonde was getting her massage she fell asleep because she was so relaxed. The woman took that as her chance to remove the headphones. A couple minutes later the blonde died. Feeling awful the woman placed the headphones on her head and listened. A calm voice was saying, "Inhale, exhale, Inhale, exhale....."


There was a blonde who was going to Hawaii. She got on the plane and took a seat in first class. She was putting on make-up and fixing her hair when the flight attendant came up to the blonde and asked to see her ticket, the blonde handed her the ticket. The flight attendant politely explained that the ticket that the blonde was holding was for a coach seat and that she would need to sit in coach.
The blonde replied: "I am blonde and I am beautiful and I am going to Hawaii."
This upset the flight attendant, so she went and got the head flight attendant, who also explained the situation to the blonde.
The blonde again replied "I am blonde and I am beautiful and I am going to Hawaii."
Now both of the flight attendants were upset, so they had to go get the piolet.
The piolet took one look at the blonde and said: "I can handle this." He sat down in the seat next to her and whispered something in her ear. The blonde jumped out of the seat, grabber her bags and ran toward the back of the plane.
The flight attendants asked the piolet what he had said to the blonde and he said: "It was simple I just told her first class wasn't going to Hawaii."


There were three blondes walking down the beach, one of the blondes kicks an empty bottle and out pops a genie. The genie tells them that he can grant them three wishes and since there are three of them, he will grant them one wish each. He tells them to be careful what they wish for because they only have one wish.
The first blonde thinks for while and says to the genie: "I hate being called dumb and I would like to be 20% smarter."
The genie asks "This is your only wish, are you sure this is what you want?" and the blonde tells him that it is. So the genie makes her a red head.
The second blonde then knows what she wants and she says to the genie: "I hate being called dumb too, but I am greedy and I want to be 40% smarter."
The genie makes sure again that this is what she really wants and the blonde tells him that it is. So the genie makes her a brunette.
The third blonde has thought about this for awhile now and she says to the genie: "I like being dumg, matter of fact I would like to be a lot dumber."
The genie is confused and asks her: "are you sure this is what you want?"
The blonde says: "this is definately what I want."
So the genie makes her a MAN.



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