001. You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are
Talking To Me

002. Earth Is Full... Go Home

003. I Used To Be Disgusted Now I'm Just Amused Cleverly
Disguised As A Responsible Adult

004. If Progress Means To Move Forward What Does
Congress Mean?

005. If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?

006. Politics - From The Words "Poly," Meaning
"Many," And "Ticks," As In "Small, Blood-Sucking Parasites"

008. Illiterate? Write For Help

009. Honk If Anything Falls Off

010. Cover Me; I'm Changing Lanes

011. He Who Laughs Last, Thinks Slowest

012. He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles
From The Next Exit

013. I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person

014. This Isn't My Idea Of A Good Time

015. It's Been Lovely But I Have To Scream Now

016. Uniquely Maladjusted But Fun

017. This Bumpersticker Exploits Illiterates

018. Minimum Wage For Politicians

019. Visualize Using Your Turn Signals

020. Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket?

021. I Haven't Lost My Mind; It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere

022. You! Out Of The Gene Pool!

023. Gone Crazy; Be Back Shortly

024. If You're Not Outraged, You're Not Paying Attention

025. I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To

025. Dyslexics Of The World - Untie!

026. Back Up My Hard Drive? How do I Put it in Reverse?

027. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

029. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

030. Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.

031. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

032. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

033. He's not dead, He's electroencephalographically challenged.

034. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will
be misquoted, then used against you.

035. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

036. Honk if you love peace and quiet.

037. Question Authority

038. Pardon my driving, I am reloading.

039. Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.

040. Diplomacy is saying "nice doggy" until you find a rock.

041. A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

042. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

043. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

044. What came first, the woman or the department store?

045. I tried to smoke some hash, but the corned
beef wouldn't light!

046. Death to all fanatics!

047. Tractor pulls: for people who can't understand wrestling.

048. I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.

049. I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died.

050. Love: two vowels, two consonants, two fools.

051. LSD: virtual reality without the expensive hardware.

052. I don't want the whole world, just your half.

053. "Energize," said Kirk, and the pink bunny appeared.

054. I have seen the evidence. I want DIFFERENT evidence!

055. Baby philosophy: If it stinks, change it.

056. Corporate philosophy: If it works change it.

057. According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist.

058. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill.

059. Professionals are predictable - amateurs are DANGEROUS!

060. Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.

061. Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either.
>BR>062. Philistines demand David be tested for steroids.

063. I brake for hallucinations.

064. A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

065. Computer Science: solving today's problems tomorrow.

066. Suture Self Magazine, the home guide to personal surgery.

067. It said, "Insert disk #3," but only two will fit!

068. I can't find the 'any' key!

069. and this little piggy stayed home. He's agoraphobic.

070. Another smooth escape disguised as a dramatic exit.

071. Jesus is coming, everyone look busy.

072. A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

073. Guns don't kill people, postal workers do.

073. Horn broken, watch for finger.

074. The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.

075. My kid had sex with your honor student.

076. Help wanted telepath: you know where to apply

077. My kid beat up your honor student.

078. I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.

079. Jesus loves you...everyone else thinks you're an asshole.

080. I'm just driving this way to piss you off.

081. Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

082. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

083. Keep honking, I'm reloading.

084. Hang up and drive.

085. Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.

086. Snatch a kiss, or vice versa.

087. I don't have to be dead to donate my organ.

088. Lord save me from your followers.

089. I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.

090. My boss is a jewish carpenter

091. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

092. Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!

093. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

094. It IS as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.

095. Friends don't let Friends drive Naked.

096. If we aren't supposed to eat animals,
why are they made of meat?

097. Forget about World Peace.....Visualize
Using Your Turn Signal!

098. Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

099. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

100. Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

101. Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.

102. Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone,
somewhere may be happy.

103. Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

104. Be nice to your kids. They'll be choosing your nursing home.

105. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

106. Sex on television can't hurt you...unless you fall off.

107. I have a drinking problem, two hands and only one mouth.


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