THE MALE OF THE SPECIES
Don't get me wrong. I have a fiancee' that I am very much in love with, but it's always fun to laugh at the expense of a man.


Q. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A ROLL OF TOILET PAPER?
A. We don't know; it has never happened.

Q. WHY IS IT DIFFICULT TO FIND MEN WHO ARE SENSITIVE, CARING AND GOOD LOOKING?
A. They all already have boyfriends.

Q. WHAT DO YOU CALL A WOMAN WHO KNOWS WHERE HER HUSBAND IS EVERY NIGHT?
A. A widow.

Q. WHAT CAN A BIRD DO THAT A MAN CAN'T?
A. Whistle through its pecker.

Q. WHY DID THE MAN CROSS THE ROAD?
A. He heard the chicken was a slut.

Q. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING FOREPLAY?
A. They don't have time.

Q. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
A. They won't stop to ask directions.

Q. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
A. Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.

Q. WHY DON'T WOMEN HAVE MEN'S BRAINS?
A. Because they don't have penises to keep them in.

Q. HOW DO YOU STOP A MAN FROM DROWNING?
A. Take your foot off his head.

Q. WHAT DO ELECTRIC TRAINS AND BREASTS HAVE IN COMMON?
A. They're intended for children, but the men usually end up playing with them.

Q. WHY ARE MARRIED WOMEN HEAVIER THAN SINGLE WOMEN?
A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

Q. HOW DO YOU GET A MAN TO DO SIT-UPS?
A. Put the remote control between his toes

Q. WHAT DID GOD SAY AFTER HE CREATED ADAM?
A. I must be able to do better than that.

Q. HOW DO YOU STOP A MAN FROM DROWNING?
A. TAKE YOUR FOOT OFF HIS HEAD

Q. WHAT DID GOD SAY AFTER CREATING EVE?
A. "Practice makes perfect."

Q. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LAY ON THEIR BACKS?
A. Because their balls fall over their asshole and they vapor-lock.

Q. WHY DO MEN MASTURBATE?
A. It's sex with someone they love.

Q. HOW MANY HONEST, INTELLIGENT, CARING MEN IN THE WORLD DOES IT TAKE TO DO THE DISHED?
A. Both of them.

Q. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
A. So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.

Q. WHY DID GOD MAKE MAN BEFORE WOMAN?
A. You need a rough draft before you have the final copy.

Q. WHY IS A MAN'S PEE YELLOW AND THEIR SPERM WHITE?
A. So they can tell if they're coming or going.

Q. WHAT DO MAN AND SPERM HAVE IN COMMON?
A. They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.

Q. HOW DOES A MAN SHOW THAT HE IS PLANNING FOR THE FUTURE?
A. He buys two cases of beer.

Q. WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MEN AND GOVERNMENT BONDS?
A. The bonds mature.

Q. WHY ARE BLONE JOKES SO SHORT?
A. So men can remember them.

Q. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT THE TOILET SEAT DOWN?
A. Nobody knows. It hasn't happened yet.

Q. HAVE YOU HEARD OF THE LORENA BOBBIT COMPUTER VIRUS?
A. It turns your hard drive into a 3-1/2 inch floppy.

Q. HOW ARE MEN AND PARKING SPOTS ALIKE?
A. Good ones are always taken. A: Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small.

Q. WHAT IS ONE THING THAT ALL MEN IN SINGLE BARS HAVE IN COMMON?
A. They're married.


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